by No Dogs Allowed
In this month’s publication of British tabloid Closer, Terri Graham, 44, a mother of two human children, says she enjoys breastfeeding her pug “Spider” because she missed out on nursing her daughter Leesa, 9, and son Lucas, 2, and likes having a “unique bond” with her dog. “Having Spider suckle on my boob means I finally feel complete and a better mother,” says Ms. Graham.
I think this woman has serious issues. And by the way Ms. Graham, as a mother of two who did breastfeed her children (for a few months, at least), I can tell you it was a TOTAL PAIN IN THE ASS AND NOT THE BIG DEAL IT’S MADE OUT TO BE! If you hate breastfeeding, I hear you. Just go buy a big can of formula at Target and be done with it. Your children will NOT suffer for your decision. I promise.
Okay? I say this for the benefit of all pregnant women, women with children who felt guilty about feeding them formula, women contemplating having children, and even women who may be nursing a baby or two while reading this post. Let me repeat my message: IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL! IF YOU HATE BREASTFEEDING, DON’T SWEAT IT! I nursed my boys for approximately 6 months each, and hated doing so most of the time. Doctors make out breast milk to be a cure-all for all of life’s ills, especially the ones that strike in childhood – low IQ, obesity, ADHD, cancer, etc. – and guess what? It’s all HOOEY! At least in my opinion. Okay, sure, breast milk is good for a baby as long as you’re not drinking fifths of vodka or smoking a crack pipe, but if you hate the sensation of having a small creature pinch a VERY SENSITIVE portion of your body for hours a day, forget about it! I’m serious. Breastfeeding is perversely overrated. Take my word for it. Or don’t – how about reading Hanna Rosin’s excellent essay The Case Against Breastfeeding before you decide?
I know plenty of intelligent, successful people who consumed nothing but formula as infants and lived to earn advanced college degrees and tell about it. So if breastfeeding is not for you, or perhaps not all the time, don’t feel guilty for a minute. Just enjoy the time you and your baby spend together. A visiting nurse told me a secret when my older son was a newborn: she said that breast milk is like drinking skim milk for a baby – nutritious, but tasteless and watery – and that drinking formula is like sucking down a milkshake – delicious and satisfying! Which one would you rather have?
Okay, so now that you know my position on breastfeeding, let’s return to the pug wet nurse, Ms. Graham. She has been nursing Spider for about two years and believes the pug enjoys it. She also says the act of nursing her dog makes her feel better.
Some psychologists are encouraging Ms. Graham to seek therapy, in the belief that she suffers trauma from the inability to nurse her human children.
And some people on Reddit who commented on the Closer article say that what she is doing is harmful to the dog and that makes it downright rePUGnant.
What do you think?