by No Dogs Allowed
Greensboro, N.C. - I saw the following two flyers today pinned to bulletin boards in a building downtown, and they made me laugh. I love a screwball sense of humor!
By the way, the Greensboro, N.C. area code is 336, in case anyone wants to call the dating number. LOL! You never know, you might get lucky.
These two flyers inspired me to create the one below, which I’m going to post all around town:
PIT BULL PRESCHOOL
NOW ENROLLING FOR FALL SEMESTER!!!
Are you tired of the ridiculous lies spewed by pit bull haters? I certainly am!
Pit bulls are dangerous, they say. Pit bulls maul and kill. Children should never be exposed to pit bulls. Such nonsense!
Pit bulls were the original nanny dogs that looked after infants and children while their parents worked. Pit bulls were bred to raise your children for you! That’s why I started “Pit Bull Preschool,” where children benefit from a nanny-nurturing environment.
At PBP, children will:
- Learn the importance of sharing. Watch how fast your child gives up his/her lunch when surrounded by large, food-aggressive dogs!
- Express their creative sides through art projects. Traditional fingerpaints often contain lead and other toxic materials; instead, we let children express themselves with buckets of freshly expressed, 100% organic blood, which are produced locally at our school.
- Learn fun and exciting games that develop hand-eye coordination skills. Most children grow up playing the usual dull, uninspired games of childhood such as tag and “duck, duck, goose.” Yawn! But at PBP, children play “Tase the Naughty Nanny or Die,” which is oodles more fun and exciting!
- Discover the marvels of horticulture by cultivating marijuana plants in our school’s garden. Your child’s carefully tended pot crop will be lovingly guarded by our protective stash nannies. (In case anyone asks…..we call it hemp, hee hee hee!)
- Enjoy Career Day, which focuses on the exciting profession of an Animal Control Officer, a pit bull’s best friend!
- Take a ride in a life-flight helicopter! This is a thrilling once-in-a-lifetime experience most children will never know, but at PBP it’s practically guaranteed for every student.
NOW ENROLLING FOR FALL SEMESTER 2013!
Is your child ready to be licked to death while learning? If so, enroll him/her now by calling 1-800-PIT-WITS.
We are hiring! PBP is always looking for qualified teachers. Tattoos a plus, post-elementary school education a minus. No criminal background check will be performed, since we assume you have one. Come by and fill out an application today!
PBP Admission Test: Answer this question correctly and win admission to PBP!
Can you identify the pit bull?
D. All of the above.
*Scroll down to see the correct answer.
*If you answered “B,” go to the head of the class! You are correct. The other images are not pit bulls. A is a talentless, pea-brained hack, C is a Pegasus, and of course D is wrong, you silly-billy!