by No Dogs Allowed
North Vernon, IN - A Fed Ex driver left a bonus “package” for two pit bull lovers last Wednesday – and didn’t even charge priority express shipping for it!
In the wee hours of Wednesday morning, Ryan Swango got off work from his night-shift position, went home and did what every good pidiot does: he let out his pit bull to roam the neighborhood freely, of course.
After waking up from a nap sometime that afternoon, Swango looked out a window and saw it was raining; so he called for his pit bull “Bella” to come back inside, and to his horror he found her pancaked in the driveway!
“I looked down on the ground and she’s laying there,” said Swango. “And I could tell she was not breathing!”
“I just started bawlin’ out there in the rain,” he added. “I fell to my knees and was just sitting there crying.”
Awwww…….what a cruel world it is. You let out your dog to roam free and maul people, and instead the dog ends up being the victim. Waa-waa!
People are such meanies. Don’t they know dog owners, and pidiots especially, are UNABLE and UNWILLING to take responsibility for their mutts?
Swango noticed a Fed Ex package on his doorstep, so he donned his Sherlock Holmes deerstalker, cloak and pipe, and deduced that the Fed Ex driver was the one “whodunnit.”
Two neighbors who claim they witnessed Bella’s demise gave differing accounts of what happened.
“Their dog ran in front of the van,” said neighbor Kirsten Young. “It yelped a few times, ran out in the grass, and then cut back over to their house.”
Another neighbor said the pit bull broke off its chain to chase the Fed Ex driver, who speed-bumped it as he backed out of the driveway.
“There’s nothing that they’re going to be able to do to fix it,” said Swango’s live-in girlfriend, Shandy Arthur. “We don’t really want anything from them, we just don’t want it to go unheard.”
All right, well here you go, pidiots! I’m giving you a platform to voice your stupidity loud and clear!
Incidentally, Swango and Arthur have changed their story several times in the last week. At first, Swango said he let the dog out to roam freely, then backtracked and said he had tethered the dog outside, which corroborates his neighbor’s story that Bella broke off her chain.
Fed Ex gave the usual PR damage control apology. Fed Ex spokesman Scott Fiedler issued the following statement: “FedEx wants to offer our sincerest apology to Mr. Swango and his family. Our heart goes out to them over the loss of their beloved pit bull – Bella. We know this is a difficult situation and we take these matters seriously. FedEx is in the process of gathering facts and we will work directly with Mr. Swango.”
Swango and Arthur also said it would have been nice if the driver had left a note or called the police, and I agree with them on the former option. If I were the Fed Ex driver, I would have left a yellow slip stating “Sorry we missed you! Please sign below so we may attempt delivery again.” And then after they signed, I would stuff the pittie’s corpse in an oversized express box and dump it on their driveway.
Read more about this story here.
One thing shocks me about this story, and that is….that the pidiot owner had a job! Usually pit-wits have extensive tattoos, criminal records, and welfare benefits….but not gainful employment.
I’ve been racking my brain trying to come up with a catchy new slogan for Fed Ex, but this is all I could come up with:
Fed Ex….when it absolutely, positively has to be killed overnight.
Need an annoying dog killed? Relax….It’s Fed Ex.
Groan, I know. Sorry.